Idiots in Wonderland
by Night's Dead Fantasy
Summary: Namine screws up the order of Alices, bringing a few too many. Now, they have to make do with what they got and save Wonderland. Lot's of RokuNami, Vanitas x Fuu x Ventus, and Kuja running around in a thong. Oh joy.
1. Numero Uno

**Idiots in Wonderland**

There's a point in time in everyone's life you realize that it's about time you grow up. You stop playing video games so much, you stop sleeping with that night light you've kept with you for years, and you start losing passion for the things you used to love the most. Then, you start discovering yourself- and realize that some things stick with you even through the childish days. For me, an example was photography. I could never get enough of the images you could capture. It was too good to leave behind.

Another useful example, is how I was beginning to lose interest in Kingdom Hearts, and shows like Pokemon. I mean, really, I was seventeen years old and for some stupid reason, I always sat in front of the computer, watching anime and living off of minimal food. It was time for me to get a job- put my skills to use, you know?

The problem was, no one was really fond of my skills. I was an artist, a person with a wide imagination and set on freedom from the office like jobs that were available in the city. People thought I was too wild- my childish and hyper moments had caused people to think I was on cocaine, or weed, or some other serious medication or drugs that would render me useless in the work place.

So for the rest of the summer, I was left jobless. I needed a job, though! To get into college or university! Even if I wasn't sure what the hell I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Writing sounded good, but I was pretty damn sure that I wasn't a J.K. Rowling. But I could try, couldn't I- which is where my story begins; with my rear seated on the wooden chair and eyes set on the blank word document- that blinking black line mocking me… it's so rude… and incredibly taunting. Just showing me what is clearly out of my reach. What is far from my capability- my vocabulary wasn't very good, actually. I used far too much slang, far too much time listening to documentaries on UFO's and conspiracies that weren't beneficial to my dictionary. With a freeze pop in hand, I contemplated what I could possibly do to this blank thing. My hands were itching to draw- actually; my left had been freezing from the cold treat- instead of deal with words. Inspiration is a cruel thing that escapes you when you need it most.

All things had to come to an end, so I shut my laptop with a sigh, getting up to head to the living room and find something to do in this unbearable heat. However, it was my mother who found me- her hands at work painting the living room walls… for the fifth time that month.

"If you want something to do, then you can go get milk from the store." She told me, reaching on her tippy toes to reach the top. My family was a short bunch; you were lucky if you were over five feet seven in this family. I was sadly even at five feet.

"As incredibly enticing as that sound, mother, I'd prefer to not get a giant sun burn on my head. Please and thank you." I added the last bit rather politely- and a little too sweetly. She turned to glare at me, her dyed blue hair falling in her face as she did so.

"Young lady, you get on your bike, you get to the store, and you get me some milk." She threatened, waving her paint brush at me.

"Oh, I'm afraid. The paint brush is going to eat me."

"You have five seconds."

"Until it grows actual teeth?"

"No more laptop."

My arse was out the door before she even got to the second number. Of course, with the summer comes the wonderful heat known by other kids as, 'It's too fucking hot!' Yeah. I wasn't excited- seeing as I was wearing my infamous black sleeve-less dress, and white shorts underneath. You know that one story about that overly-gothic chick that meets that one vampire Alex-whatever? I was kinda like her. Except I didn't put on make up at all- I loved my light caramel skin, and naturally black hair. I'd managed to smuggle blue dye from my mom and it now had a blue tint in it. Score, much.

I took my bike out onto the dirt road, sighing as the breeze hit my already warmed up skin. We had no AC, so I made do with three fans in my room. The dirt path led through the thick trees of the country side- in other words it was a very long ride to the store. The path kept winding and winding, and time just kept passing and passing that I found myself wandering to the side and sitting for a break. I mean, I'm not an athlete- I sit on my arse all day, remember?

I thought, for a moment, that it had simply been my insane imagination- or an asthma attack, dunno- but I saw a flash of white in the distance, a rather odd color to be seeing in the vast greenery.

"Dear Christ, I'm turning into Alice from that… one thing." I sighed to myself, patting back the spider leg-ish hairs on my head.

"Aren't you Alice?" A soft, familiar voice asked. Spinning on my heel, I turned to see… a bunny. A white bunny, at that.

"… I am Alice, yeah, but I don't do the whole… you know… fall into a rabbit hole." I told the bunny, very sure that it had been the one whom had spoken. Believe it or not, I've read too many fan fictions to have this kind of thing rock my senses like other normal people. In fact, so many that I'd actually thought through most impossible situations through and through. I was a dork like that.

"Oh, that's alright." A girl with blond hair and stunning blue eyes stepped from behind the tree nearest, the bunny fleeing to her side. "We don't do that, either." She said quietly, seeming nervous and uncomfortable to be talking this way.

But it clicked.

"… Namine?"

I know you know what I know, and I know that you know what happens next. Yeah. I fell down a whole- but not just any whole. It wasn't the kind where you went falling and pianos or clocks were all up in your face like some trip on acid. Oh no, this was pure and utter darkness. For a moment, I though Sean Connery was going to greet me into the Darkness. It was a long, and odd fall. Unlike good ball Sora, I didn't forget anything. I ran things through my head and never lost any of them. But most importantly, I remembered my name. And the girls.

Who belonged in a game.

Weird.

"My name is Alice. I'm seventeen, and I live in the middle of no where. This Alice has crushes on video game characters, hates Kingdom Hearts, and wants to sink Sora's spikey head into a toilet, flush it, and then see if his hair defies gravity. Yeah, it's still me… CAN WE STOP FALLING NOW?" With a grand, and rather painful thud, my wish was granted.

Moving my head to make sure the fall hadn't fatally injured me, I glanced up at the wooden, old door- and instantly recognized it from a movie- and the odd twist of the symbol on it. Which, mind you, was the symbol of Mickey Mouse… and the Mad Hatter's hat on the top.

"Oh… this is going to make a shitty story."


	2. What's Two In Two

Have you ever fallen down a portal? Like, one made from darkness and nothingness that utterly destroys the laws of logic? No, well I can tell you it's not quite pleasant. Especially when the person who made it felt like dropping you right in front of door, on hard, wooden floors…

I think I have a bruise.

The door was actually much smaller than I had anticipated- I mean, I knew I was short but this was just an insult to me! It was about a third my size, and rather narrow. Now, months on end of sitting at the computer, eating minimal- or sometimes not at all- will render you to have not only poor health, but a rather skinny body. Which was what I had. But it didn't help the height thing. Glancing around, I expected to see some kind of bottle, perhaps a piece of cake the people who left me here would have maybe left behind. But the room was unbelievably empty, and rather plain in color- only the maroon and salmon pink vertical stripes.

"Okay, you shove me down a rabbit whole- of sorts- and leave me no way to get in. This is… kinda ridiculous, Namine." Her name had been purposefully emphasized, echoing in the rather… normal sized room.

"No, this is you not looking hard enough." A voice grunted, deep and rough. I turned my head, ready to give a sarcastic remark when I noticed the dreads surrounding the oddly shaped cat ears.

"… Xaldin? Are you serious?" My jaw nearly dropped at the sight- but he was well dressed, so what the heck. He had on a pin stripe vest of grey and blue, his dress shirt underneath being a matte looking black. He even wore nice dress pants, actually.

"You have a problem with me?" He sneered- I swear for a moment he would have pounced over to me and stabbed me with his… uhm… well okay he didn't have anything on him but he would still try to stab me.

Maybe stab me in the eye with his finger. Ouch.

"No, no way man!" I shook my head, putting up my arms in that, 'oh dear god don't hurt me' kind of way. He sneered still, disappearing suddenly.

"You should be looking, for what you can't see…" His voice was behind me, by the door.

"You should be thinking of new riddles- this clearly isn't your thing." I retorted with a pout and glare, crossing my arms.

"Alice, Alice, Alice, that's not a way to treat Wonderland." He replied, leaning against the wall.

"Dude, you've got the wrong freakin' Alice." I told him, sneering myself.

"How do you know you're the wrong Alice, when all the others think they're the wrong Alice's, too? There's got to be a right one, somewhere."

"Dude, there's more? You just really have to stop kidnapping women- first Belle, and now little girls? You pedo, you." I snorted, smirking a bit. He only glared, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"I don't know of this Belle- but I know Alice, and you're Alice."

"So are the many other's named Alice—WILL YOU OPEN THE DOOR?" I shouted, stomping my foot.

"Slow and steady wins the race…"

"Now you're just copy righting." I snapped, earning him a chuckle.

"As I said before…" His head disappeared. "Look for what you can't see~." Beside me, turning to see his glare and jumping back with a squeal.

"Toothpaste is teeth's best friend!" My voice only echoed, then realizing the mischievous little neko Xaldin had taken off. With a roll of my eyes, I turned to look around the space. "Look for what can't be seen… do I get to smash in walls?" I asked myself out loud, touching the wall opposite the door. Suddenly, it came to life at my touch; a glow of a thin blue line, outlining a rectangular shape. A doorknob appeared with the sparkles that you saw only in the first Kingdom Hearts games. "Oh, that's so pretty. Let me get my boa and this can be a sexy party." I muttered, gripping the door and pulling it open.

I bet you've never been on an acid trip. I know I haven't, drug are so not my thing. Never will be! But when I walked through that door, that's certainly what I imagined a minor acid trip looked like. I mean, the flowers were vibrant colors, speckled with their respective contrasting colors. The moved and sung- voices carrying out into the soft wind that kept the atmosphere nice and warm.

"… is this really wonderland?" I asked aloud, my eyes examining the grass beneath my feet- lush and thick like a suburban husband's dream. What I noticed afterwards was the dark, looming sky. It was morbid, with the lightning dashing across the sky, but thunder made no sound. Random parts of the ground was erupted with ruins of some odd, ancient civilization; covered in dying moss that gave the flowers something to block out. Walking further into this mini acid trip, I noticed a maze suddenly jut up from the ground, abruptly, against the order of the meadow. I started forward, reaching ahead to touch the odd green coloured hedges… a rose began to bloom at the presence, and my fingers were close to skimming the very tip when—

"You shouldn't touch that!"

"Touching that wouln't be."

"Oh, no, not at all."

"Be missing a few afterwards."

"Plenty to make some."

"Oh, certainly!"

"HEY!" I shrieked, fighting against the hands that were dragging me away from the hedges and into the tall grass. "Where are you taking me!"

"Shouldn't be going in."

"But we've gots to."

"He won't be pleased."

"When is he?"

"Well there was that time—"

"Was there is."

"Indeed."

"Oh god my head exploded…" I sighed, stumbling over my own feet as the pulled, through the tall grass, and into the most weirdest looking forest. The trunks were gnarly, twisted- the leaves were dying, blacks and greys and neutral colors that were close to black. "Oh, morbid much." I mumbled with a sigh, closing my eyes. Hey, if this was a dream, it was pretty awesome!

"Mad hatter!"

"We found one!" The dropped me into a seat, and I finally got a look at their faces—

"Oh my god, Ventus! Roxas!" I yelped, sitting up in my seat. Off to the right, a tall, dark shadow emerged from the cover of the trees, eyes glowing yellow, and the other blue.

"Holy shit. It's Terra."


End file.
